A Morning of Odd Occurences
by BadWolfFile
Summary: A tale that starts with Komamura Sajin's morning walk. Butterfly effect! In honour of my friend Hayden... who guest-stars in the first chapter. Tenth chapter up: r&r if you like. Rated M for language and safety. Naughty swears and implied sword-fancying.
1. Just a peaceful morning walk

Komamura Sajin was strolling down a street, completely minding his own business, when two moderately strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist and pulled the surprised captain off the street and down a dark alley. Before he could do or say anything his helmet was pulled off and his ears were being felt up. "So soft…"

Komamura's teeth were bared in a slight growl as he glared at the shinigami before him. "Hayden-kun, could you _please_ refrain from feeling my ears in public?" he took back his helmet and jammed it back on. "It's embarrassing more than anything else, plus it feels strange. How would you like someone glomping you every two seconds so they can pull you into an alley to feel up your ears?" Hayden merely continued to grin madly, and Komamura groaned: he wouldn't be able to get a coherent answer from the young man for hours. "Continue on with what you were doing before… _and no more taking me into alleyways to feel my ears!!_" the captain turned on his heel and strode out of the alley, leaving the shinigami to grin madly behind him and mutter "So soft… and cuddly."

The seventh division captain's morning was only going to get stranger from there.

A few minutes later someone bumped into him, nearly knocking the captain over. He was quick enough to grab their wrist and stop them: it was a young woman, dressed in the black clothing of a shinigami. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! What squad are you from?!" Komamura couldn't help but feel that the young woman was ignoring him: she kept looking fearfully over his shoulder, back the way she'd come. The captain looked her up and down, and noticed that she wasn't carrying her zanpaktou and she was holding something dark tightly in her left hand.

Her eyes widened as she spotted someone, and she very quickly blurted "I'm-very-sorry-captain-I-won't-do-it-again-please-excuse-me-I-have-to-go-right-now!!" she disappeared off in a puff of dust as she ran off employing the Flash-Step, and Komamura blinked.

Moments later two more figures stopped beside Komamura, raising dust clouds of their own. "Excuse me, Captain Komamura… have you seen a young female shinigami come by here? She wouldn't have been carrying a zanpaktou…?" Byakuya Kuchiki, sixth division captain, stood there with his usually expressionless face red with… embarrassment? If Komamura hadn't known about the other captain's famous single unshakable mood he could have sworn that Byakuya was blushing furiously.

Behind him his vice Captain Abarai Renji stood, biting his lip as his shoulders shook violently with silent laughter. It was then that Komamura noticed Byakuya's hair: one of its normally perfectly-groomed locks was missing. "Captain Kuchiki… what happened to your hair?" Behind his captain's back Renji nearly doubled over with silent laughter as Byakuya looked away, his cheeks reddening more. "A stupid miscalculation… I was careless." The normally silent captain looked back at Komamura, who was attempting not to laugh.

The seventh division captain cleared his throat and said "Yes, she bumped into me as she ran past… I think she was heading for the eleventh division's office." Byakuya's face darkened as he growled "Kenpachi. I'll get you for this…Captain Komamura, thank you." He paused and leaned in slightly. "And… I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about my… miscalculation." Komamura nodded, although it was hard to see underneath the helmet, and the two members of the sixth division ran off.

If Komamura could have scratched his head at the odd occurrences of that morning, he would have. _"If such odd things are happening so early on in the day, I dread to think what this afternoon will be like…"_

He sighed.

"_I really shouldn't have crawled out of bed this morning."_


	2. She's Kenpachi's WHAT?

_I don't own any of the characters of Bleach… although I might own part of lovely Byakuya soon depending if I win that bid on eBay. All I own is this rather pretty young thing by the name of Yoshimi. Yes Kenpachi, she IS very pretty. And she's all mine. Thanks to Exavier Artis for his wonderful daily updates: an inspiration to us all. -huggles-_

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Yoshimi sprinted into the eleventh division office, slamming the door behind her and breathing hard as she leaned against it. She looked up to find most of the squad staring at her dumbfounded, and she cleared her throat nervously. She walked with as much dignity as she could muster through the building, heading for the captain's office. Many of the eleventh division couldn't help but notice the young female shinigami's zanpaktou was missing and she was clutching something delicately in her left hand.

Yoshimi entered Captain Kenpachi's office after knocking, her head bowed respectfully. The big captain was sitting on the tatami mats on the floor, a bowl of tea beside his foot. He blinked at the girl, and his face split into an evil grin. "I take it from your return to this squad office that you've succeeded?" Yoshimi nodded, still looking at the floor. She somewhat hesitantly held out the hard-won lock of hair to her captain, who was starting to look even more like a shark as his grin widened. He reached up and took the hair from his subordinate, staring at it like it was a bar of gold. "Well done." He was suddenly on his feet, ruffling her hair. She blushed and said nothing, continuing to stare at the floor.

Kenpachi headed out of his office, to the main part of the eleventh division building, to brag to the squad. Yoshimi followed him, about two steps behind him, still staring at the floor. The eleventh squad cheered as Kenpachi held up the lock of hair, although none of them appeared to have any idea as to what it was.

It was then that the room started to chill as a powerful spiritual pressure approached. Yoshimi saw Kenpachi shiver, then look around quickly to make sure no one had seen him do it. The door was ripped out of its frame and the day seemed to darken. "Kenpachi…!" Captain Byakuya Kuchiki stood framed by the doorway, his eyes blazing as he stared at Kenpachi. "I believe you have something of mine." Kenpachi smiled rather creepily at the other captain, not even bothering to conceal the lock of hair. "Really? I hadn't noticed." Byakuya entered the building and advanced on Kenpachi.

Byakuya glanced behind the other man and spotted Yoshimi: his eyes narrowed as he stared at her. She whimpered and hid behind the captain who was almost twice her size. Kenpachi ignored their exchange and continued to grin at Byakuya. "I can't believe she got you, Kuchiki. She actually got you… you're always so careful. And the only way she could have gotten close enough to you to take off some of your hair would be if you took her in your arms and kissed he-" Byakuya verbally leaped on the other captain, his cheeks reddening noticeably. "Quiet…!" Most of the nearby squad members laughed, even though Kenpachi's taunt was cut off.

Byakuya cleared his throat, his cheeks becoming less red as he quietly asked "May we talk privately? Perhaps in your office?" Kenpachi grinned and turned on his heel, heading for his office. "Yoshimi! Come." The girl bowed her head and followed her captain, and Byakuya blinked, wondering why this girl was so content to be ordered around by the captain. The sixth division captain followed them after a moment, ignoring the quiet laughter and strange looks he was getting from the members of the eleventh division.

Kenpachi sat on the tatami mat, completely at his ease. Yoshimi knelt behind him, her head bowed respectfully and her hands folded neatly in her lap. Byakuya remained standing, staring down at Kenpachi with hatred glowing in his eyes. "This is the most emotion I've ever seen you display, Kuchiki. I'm quite impressed." Byakuya's stare only increased in hatred, and he said nothing. After a moment he asked "Why, Kenpachi? Why? What possible use would you have for stealing my hair?" Kenpachi fondled the lock, looking it over. "There are many reasons why I could have had Yoshimi steal your hair. Maybe I bet someone I could do it. Maybe I'm planning on selling it on eBay to a fangirl." He flopped the lock around, and smirked at Byakuya. "Or maybe I just wanted to prove that even the famously cold Byakuya Kuchiki isn't immune to the charms of such a pretty girl."

The captain reached over his shoulder and squeezed Yoshimi's cheek like a grandmother. "Isn't she pretty? She's so pretty." Byakuya snapped at Kenpachi "Stop that. Admittedly she is very attractive, and I also admit that I allowed her closer than I normally would a human…" He looked away, rubbing his arm as his cheeks glowed ruby red, apparently overcome by the memory. Kenpachi couldn't help but notice that Yoshimi, for all her apparent modesty, had a sly little smirk on her pretty lips as she continued to stare at the floor.

Byakuya seemed to come back to himself, and went back to glaring at Kenpachi. "I'm only going to say this to you once, Kenpachi. Give me back my hair." Kenpachi smiled at him, and tucked the lock into his coat. "I don't think so." He started nonchalantly checking under his nails for dirt. Byakuya laid the other zanpaktou he had been carrying at Kenpachi's feet. "I'm willing to trade your subordinate's zanpaktou for it." Kenpachi laughed, apparently enjoying a good joke.

When his evil chuckles subsided, he wiped the tears from his eye and sighed. "Oh that's rich… you haven't even looked at the weapon, have you. The thing that you just put down isn't a zanpaktou: it's just a regular sword that I borrowed from one of my squad members." He leaned forwards and looked seriously at Byakuya. "That's not her zanpaktou… fuck, Kuchiki, she is a zanpaktou. To be specific she's my zanpaktou." Byakuya blinked, and did a double take on Yoshimi: small wonder that the girl followed Kenpachi everywhere like a puppy and didn't mind being ordered around. Something dawned on the sixth division captain, and he said scathingly "Your sword is female?" Kenpachi shrugged. "You can borrow her for some fun if you like… I'm sure you don't mind getting a little cut up." Kenpachi surged to his feet and towered over Byakuya. He patted the other captain on the shoulder and grinned. "Lighten up, emo kid. You'll live longer." The big captain brushed past Byakuya, and left the room.

Once Kenpachi was gone, Yoshimi seemed to come out of her shell. She bowed deeply to Byakuya, remaining in the bow as she apologised. "I'm so sorry, Captain Kuchiki… he made me do it, you don't understand." Byakuya couldn't help it: he smiled a little at her and ruffled the girl's hair. "Don't worry. It'll grow back. It's just my pride that's injured… and my reputation too, probably." He sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. He suddenly became aware that Yoshimi had straightened, and was gazing at him. Before he could stop her she hugged him, nestling her face into his chest. His cheeks steadily reddened as the seconds seemed to drag on.

Outside the office, Kenpachi was also counting the seconds. Beside him a member of his squad waited, a camera at the ready. Kenpachi nodded to the shinigami and whipped the sliding door open to reveal Byakuya locking lips with Yoshimi, his cheeks bright red. The eleventh squad member snapped the picture and then retreated, allowing Kenpachi to retrieve his zanpaktou from Byakuya's tender embrace. "You are so dead, Kuchiki." Byakuya stuttered something about it being her fault, but Kenpachi refused to listen to him and left the corridor, heading for the back of the building with a smirking Yoshimi. Byakuya was politely but firmly asked to leave, and he stormed out with his spiritual pressure skyrocketing.

Byakuya sat down at his desk and stared at the papers stacked neatly on it. He felt like such an idiot, being seduced by a fucking sword – twice! "C-Captain…?" Renji stared at Byakuya as the man swept the papers off his desk and collapsed his head onto his folded arms. "Renji, I've been a fool…" Byakuya's voice was soft, and muffled by his arms. "Captain…" Byakuya straightened and stared at Renji. "I'll need your help… we have to make a plan of revenge." Renji crossed his arms and smiled. "Revenge, Captain? It's not like you, but… it's certainly something we can do."

_Long, isn't it? Also, they keep saying naughty words. Someone should talk to them about that. R&R if you wish._


	3. Gardens and Plotting

_Yes, another update! YAY!! _

_Thanks to Exavier Artis for his wonderful commitment to his own fan fiction stories. Have some cake, my friend! –hugs-_

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Renji Abarai, vice-captain of the sixth division squad, stood outside his captain's room with his arms full of papers as he gazed in abject horror through the open door at the chaos inside. His captain stood at the eye of the storm, looking completely and utterly calm and composed, as papers and books and furniture whirled about him in a maelstrom of fury. "C-Captain K-Kuchiki?!" As he gaped, other members of the sixth division began to gather in the hallway behind him.

Byakuya's fury subsided as he became aware that his subordinates were watching him in shock, and he calmly smoothed back his unusually-displaced hair and straightened his clothing. He brushed himself down, patting off invisible dirt, and looked around him. "Whoops." The word escaped the captain's lips lazily, as if he didn't really care what the others thought.

Renji somewhat slowly entered the room, one foot cautiously following the other in case Byakuya got angry with him and started the maelstrom up again. Byakuya moved over to the window, where he stood staring outside, and Renji took it that he was to take control of the situation. "Move along! Nothing to see here… keep moving, all of you!" He glared at the sixth division shinigami as they one by one trailed off back to their tasks, reluctant to leave but fearful of the captain's wrath.

When the last pair had gone, Renji juggled his papers to try and get a hand free so he could shut the door and give his captain some privacy, but found that the thing had been ripped from its hinges and was nowhere to be seen amongst the mountain of papers and books. "Uhh… Captain? The door?" As if in a trance, Byakuya slowly raised a hand and pointed to where the door lay, covered in what looked like most of that month's paperwork and the desk.

Renji managed to kick the desk over without damaging it further, and put his papers onto it. He cleared off the paperwork on the floor from the door and pulled the thing upright, walking it over to the hole that it should have been attached to and leaning it against the top of the doorframe so it appeared to be closed. That done, Renji turned to look at his captain with his mouth opening to say something.

Byakuya was still staring out the window with a soft expression in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles on his lips. Renji paused, his mouth gaping open, and he blinked at Byakuya for a moment before joining his captain at the window to see what he was smiling at. There was a small walled garden outside the window, and in the middle of the garden's manicured lawns was growing a rosebush in a raised garden bed. "Do you see that rose?" Byakuya's voice was soft, his dark eyes mysterious. Without waiting for an answer from Renji, he continued. "I planted that rose when my wife died. It has never flowered."

He leaned against the window, still staring out at it. "Now look closer at it." Renji did as he was instructed, and peered closer at the rosebush. "It's covered in flowers?" The captain nodded at Renji's query. "This is the first year it's bloomed. Before now, it hasn't grown even a single bud, even though I've tried to coax it very carefully with all the right methods and even got the gardeners to look at it." Renji looked sharply at his superior: all this talk about gardening was leading up to something, he was sure of it.

Sure enough, Byakuya leaned his forehead on the window and closed his eyes. "It started budding the moment I kissed Yoshimi for the first time." Renji said nothing, merely content to watch his captain and wonder why he was being told this. Byakuya sighed and stepped away from the window, leaving the smile and soft expression behind at the window as his face again hardened into the expressionless mask he usually wore. "What have you come up with?"

Renji flattened out the rolled up papers, using books picked up from the nearby floor to weigh them down so they stayed flat. "Alright… the way I see it, we have a couple of options. One…" he pointed to the first plan. "We shave his head while he's asleep." Byakuya gave his vice-captain a look that spoke volumes. "Alright… no hair-related stuff." He pointed to another plan. "Two, we stain his hands and face red." Byakuya leaned on the table, staring at the plans. "He'd just say it was to make him look more fearsome…" Renji nodded and shrugged. "Three… we can glue him to his bed." Byakuya shook his head and told the other shinigami "Not extreme enough. He'd just… rip out of it." Byakuya sighed and straightened, walking away slightly. "This was a bad idea… maybe I should just let it go. I mean… it IS only hair, after all." Renji's jaw hit the floor. "Captain!!!"

Byakuya had been staring at the mess that was his room as if wondering how long it would take him to straighten it, but he turned and gazed at Renji, saying nothing as he waited for Renji to speak up. After a moment Renji continued. "You can't just let this slide! So this time it was only hair, but what will it be next time? And the time after that?" Renji stepped a little closer. "If you don't get him back now, he'll keep pushing and pushing until you break and kill him…!" Byakuya picked up some papers and shuffled them, looking them over. "I can't say that it would be a bad thing." Renji was about to argue more but Byakuya held up a hand before he added "However, unnervingly, you're right. Your plans just aren't… _extreme_ enough to teach that oaf a lesson. I swear that talking to Kenpachi is like working with a gorilla." Renji laughed, and then his eyes first widened and then narrowed.

Byakuya realised that Renji was staring at him after a moment, and looked up from his papers. "What?" Renji smiled a smile of pure evil. "Captain… I believe that you've just suggested something that's _"extreme"_ enough for you. Give me a minute…" He pulled some blank paper towards him and started scribbling as Byakuya righted his bookcase and started picking up his books with a disapproving frown at them, as though it were their faults that they were on the floor and not his.

The hastily-drawn plans were shoved under Byakuya's nose a few minutes later. He was in the middle of stacking papers into some semblance of order and righting furniture, but he dropped the stack he was holding and examined the plans. He looked up from the paper at his grinning vice captain and, saying nothing, smiled.

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_Ooh… I wonder what Renji's plan is? XD_

_R & R if thou wisheth: it is entirely optional. –eth. And my apologies for such a long time between updates: I just can't seem to force myself to get the energy required to write this stuff. It waxes and wanes like the moods of the sea, and just as unpredictably._


	4. Feeding time in the Gorilla House

_Look out, kiddies. LOTS of naughty swears ahead!! It's what happens when nasty Mr Kenpachi gets angry. Serves him right, though. Lol… bananas._

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When Captain Kenpachi of eleventh division opened his eyes after a fantastic night's sleep, he blinked and wondered why it was still dark. He rubbed his eyes, only to have his fingers encounter something that certainly wasn't his face. "What the fuck…?!" He sat up and pulled at the thing, wincing as it pulled at his skin too. He realised that whatever it was had been shaped into a hideous snarl and panicked: had he been turned into a Hollow somehow overnight?!

The big captain tried to get up but his feet were entangled in the sheets and he fell out of his bed and onto the ground with a loud crash as he knocked over the nightstand. "Gah…!! What the _fuck_?!" He managed to get to his feet with the limited visual range available to him and stared around at his room: it seemed… different. Kenpachi stumbled towards the mirror hanging on the wall and found that it had disappeared. "Huh?!" He turned and looked around the room a second time, noting that everything but the bed had been taken out, his hangings and tatami mats removed, and there was what appeared to be mouldy straw on the floor. "Ok, who's fucking brilliant idea was this?! Fuck!!!" he stumbled around the room a little, pulling at the thing on his face again. "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck…!! GAH!!" He slipped and fell flat on his back, hitting his head. "Ow… fuck… me… dead!!"

Kenpachi rolled over and found himself staring at his reflection in a piece of broken glass. "Wha…?! A GORILLA MASK?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" his fingers scrabbled across the embarrassing piece of latex as he tried once again to peel the damn thing off before anyone could come in and see the animal he secretly feared glued to his face. He looked around his room again for something, anything to cut the damn thing off, and realised that there were no sharp objects in the whole thing. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by emotion and he sat down hard in the middle of the floor with a thud. He muttered "fuck…" half-heartedly, as though he couldn't really be bothered anymore, and tugged gently at the mask as his stomach growled loudly. "Fucking stomach." He heard the door open behind him, but couldn't turn quickly enough to see who it was: there was a bunch of bananas sitting next to a bowl of water. Kenpachi picked up the bananas. "Oh fuck's sake…" Kenpachi stood up and kicked at the door, yelling "Let me the fuck out so I can fucking smash your fucking face in, you piece of shit!"

The door splintered into nothingness to reveal… his entire squad standing outside, looking shocked in their sleeping clothes. Kenpachi froze, allowing them to take in the full view of the mask, glued to his face and the bananas in his hands.

It was impossible to pinpoint exactly where the laughter started: somewhere from the middle of the group. It spread quickly, and once it had begun it was impossible to stop. Kenpachi was forced to stand there with his squad falling about laughing at him, his cheeks slowly reddening in an angry blush beneath the gorilla mask. His hands started to clench and he slowly and creepily crushed the bananas between his fingers.

With his squad joking around without really watching him, Kenpachi found it almost too easy to build his spiritual pressure. "Shut…" he lifted his head, his spiritual pressure exploding the wall outwards onto the squad "UP!!!" The mask was torn partially from his face as his power exploded the wall into dust and huge chunks of debris all over his squad, and he stood there breathing heavily as it slowly settled into the silence. Kenpachi started pulling of the bits of latex that remained on his face, wincing as they pulled hairs. "When I find out who put this shit on me… I'm going to slice their fucking head off!!"

Standing outside, Byakuya felt the spiritual pressure grow and heard the massive explosion. Renji, standing beside him, quickly looked at his captain and visibly swallowed. Byakuya merely blinked, and started to walk away. "I guess we'd better get out of here before he thinks to gorilla his way out here and do a King Kong with one us up the gate tower." Renji blinked as his captain disappeared, and heard another huge explosion from inside. He swallowed again, and ran after his secretly smirking captain.

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_Well folks, that's your bloomin' lot for the week. Or at least a little while._

_Yes I know the whole two updates in one day this is exciting, but don't get used to it: I'm not Exavier Artis! (Cake for him because he does such a great job keeping me entertained) I stayed up extra late so I could finish this chapter and get it up so you may read and be amazed at Kenpachi's swears. He's a naughty boy. Someone could make a fortune off him if they ever made him do a swear jar! Hmm… secret evil plan forming… go away! Tis my evil plan!! _

_And now: cake for all. _


	5. For the Love of the Blade

_Buahahaha… this chapter is going to be… A ROMANTIC CHAPTER!! _

_-evil laughter- _

_If you don't like mushy stuff, don't read it, silly! It's as simple as that. It's just for fun, with no real permanent implications… I hope. It's probably just a dream sequence, anyway. Haven't decided! _^.^

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Byakuya Kuchiki strolled through the streets of the Soul Society after dinner, enjoying the evening air, the sounds, sights and smells of the local residents' evening meals, and the general ambience of the place. He was heading in the general direction of the sixth division headquarters in order to fetch some paperwork, but since it was such a beautiful evening he had decided to take his time and enjoy the walk from his private quarters to his office that he normally hurried.

He only became aware that someone was following him when he happened to look behind him just in time to catch a dark shadow rejoining its fellows. Byakuya said nothing, merely blinking and continuing on his way, his neck suddenly prickling as he sensed the shadow move along behind him.

Byakuya hurried into the sixth division office, and closed the door in a rush. He realised that he was panting and his heart was racing. Luckily for him the room was deserted, the rosy sun filtering in through the windows over the desks left in a mess of papers by squad members in a hurry to leave, and he was able to walk to his own office without anyone knowing that sweat was running ribbons down his neck.

It took the captain longer to locate what he needed than he'd first thought, and by the time he'd found the paperwork he required it was dark outside. Byakuya swallowed nervously, and then paused with his hand on the handle. "It's just the outdoors." He swallowed again, and prepared to open the door. He stopped, and tried to psych himself up to go outside. "What on earth am I afraid of?" he groaned, and leaned his head against the door. "I should have brought my zanpaktou…" the captain hadn't brought his blade with him because he wasn't expecting any trouble.

The captain, utilising as much stealth as he could, snuck from one house to another, carrying his papers. Fear lay over him like a blanket, making him break out in a cold sweat: he had no idea why he was so scared! He'd only ever been that fearful before once in his whole life. He froze as something nearby made the back of his neck prickle, but the feeling passed. Byakuya breathed a sigh of relief, taking a step out onto the street as the night seemed brighter. Suddenly a scream of pure terror pierced the air, and Byakuya's head shot up. Without thinking, he ran down the street in the direction of the scream as fast as he could.

Yoshimi struggled in the grip of the Hollow as it lifted her in one clawed hand like a ragdoll, audibly sniffing her. She felt hot blood drip down her legs from the wounds the monster's five foot long claws were inflicting, and saw it lean in closer to examine her. _"You're not a Soul Reaper…! How do you have such an incredibly high level of spirit energy?!"_ Yoshimi wasn't able to answer, because the Hollow squeezed her tightly again. She couldn't help it: the pain was too intense. Her loud scream of pain echoed off the surrounding buildings, and darkness gathered at the corners of her eyes. She started to pass out, and fought it as hard as she could as she saw the Hollow open its mouth to devour her. _"It can't end like this…!"_ Yoshimi struggled harder, her vision going dark as the Hollow slowly lifted her into its mouth. _"No…!!"_

Byakuya didn't even pause to consider what danger he was placing his unarmed self in: when he saw the Hollow lifting a limp dark clothed figure towards its mouth, he didn't even notice he wasn't carrying his zanpaktou. His papers long forgotten, the sixth division captain barely slowed and leaped on top of the Hollow, setting his arms in a well practised motion. "Bone of a straggling beast, spire, crimson crystal, disc of steel, when the wind shifts, and the emptiness ceases, let the clash of lances resonate through the relinquished castle." Byakuya's eyes narrowed slightly as a massive wave of thunder sought out the Hollow and sliced the monster in half. He dove through the concussion wave and managed to catch the Hollow's victim before they fell to the ground.

The sixth division captain landed lightly, the bleeding body of some unfortunate soul held against his own. The captain turned slightly in order to catch the soul's face in the light – and saw exactly who it was. His suddenly-pounding heart in his mouth, Byakuya knelt and carefully laid Yoshimi's prone and bleeding form out flat on the ground. "Yoshimi…!" he tenderly stroked back her hair, and then noticed the blood pooling underneath her. "Fuck!" he breathed the word as ripped open her kimono to expose her wounds to the air in order to examine them.

Yoshimi opened her eyes a little to find someone leaning close to her, and felt their hands on her exposed body. Shocked, she opened her eyes wider to find Byakuya Kuchiki staring intently at her chest. Her reaction was both automatic and immediate: her arms seemed to bring itself around and grasped him by the ear. "Captain Kuchiki!" she sat up, trying unsuccessfully to cover herself. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Captain Kuchiki, if you want to see my naked body that badly, I would have shown it to you! You don't have to rip my clothing open in the middle of the street for everyone to see…!" his cheeks slowly reddening, Byakuya refused to meet her steady gaze and cleared his own throat. "As long as you're alive… I should report." Before he could back off and leave, Yoshimi grabbed him by the neck and kissed him hard. "You saved my life… Thank you." Byakuya blushed like a little schoolboy and backed off muttering something incomprehensible even to him that sounded polite.

Yoshimi tried to stand, but her legs were too weak to support her. Her knees collapsed on her, and she started to fall. The girl instinctively reached out and grabbed onto the first thing her hand came into contact with: Byakuya's arm. He said nothing, merely waiting for her to right herself. When it became apparent she couldn't, he gallantly swept her off her feet and started heading away from the site of the Hollow attack, his cheeks burning. Yoshimi didn't really notice: she was close to passing out again. All she could do was cling on weakly with one hand to Byakuya's clothing, waiting for the nausea to leave her. "Thank you…" she breathed, and was overcome by sleep.

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_Aww cute, wasn't it? Worth suffering through the mushy gunk, perhaps? _

_Alright guys, you know the drill. R & R and there will be cake. Also, Exavier: I borrowed your idea of a Hollow attack in the Soul Society. My bad? -love and hugs- _

_Eww… cute germs… get them off, get them off!!! __

_Chaos, out._


	6. This is not reality

_Word… this chapter is based off a dream I had last night. A moment of seriousness, please. _

_-silence- … thank you._

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It was impossible to tell if she was unconscious, or if she was awake and just hallucinating. Yoshimi watched the scene through blurry eyes, as though watching on a badly tuned black-and-white television. She watched a figure dressed in a black dress with a long train be lifted to the mouth of what appeared to be a puppet Hollow that looked as fake as something out of a bad space alien movie. Its limbs were suspended on thin string and its mouth opened and closed mechanically on a hinge at the will of the puppeteer. Its mask was painted wood, and it stared ahead without seeing as the tiny puff of black dress in its ridiculous hand was slowly lifted to its mouth.

Suddenly a figure in white appeared and the monster shied away from them. The puppet Hollow dropped the tiny doll in the black dress and ran, but it was sliced in half and collapsed into a tangle of broken string and splintered wood. The black dress doll fell as if in slow motion, her dress flapping uselessly around her. The white figure caught her, and suddenly Yoshimi was transported through the monitor and into the scene. It was still just as blurry, though, and she couldn't quite make out the face of the figure in white.

As she stared at him, she realised that his face held no features except blank eyes, and they were crying crimson rivers of blood. The blood ran down his cheeks and oddly, soaked through the white cloth directly over the figure's heart. The crimson stain slowly spread, and the figure suddenly had a mouth that was little more than a gaping black hole. It was moving soundlessly, saying the same thing over and over again. If she could just figure out what it was saying, maybe she could rid herself of this feeling of hopelessness that was washing over her.

She looked down and saw that the figure's blood was staining her naked body, and watched the blood drip down between her breasts and over her stomach. A number of stabbing pains made her look out a little further and saw that she was impaled on the thorns of a huge patch of briars. She tried to move her limbs, to get off the thorns, but she couldn't move no matter how hard she struggled.

Something made her look up to see the figure in white floating high above her, his blank eyes no longer crying crimson tears but his white clothing still stained with his blood over his heart. His mouth continued to move in the same way it had before, but this time she could make out what he was saying. _"Help me… please help me…" _He held out a white rose to her, and she watched as blood ran down his hands and the stem of the flower to stain the petals red. _"Why won't you help me… please…?"_

Yoshimi watched him in horror as he fell like a blood-stained angel from the sky, wanting to cry out, wanting to move and catch him before he broke the mirror of reality… but she couldn't move even a finger. The pain from the thorns became intense, and she tried to cry out… but not even her mouth would open.

The other figure fell to the ground and was swallowed up by a dark pit that yawned open to receive him. Yoshimi found that she could move suddenly, and ran as fast as she could towards the pit. The distance seemed to get greater and greater between them the faster she ran, and saw that the figure in white was crumpled on a flat pillar rising out in the middle of the pit.

Unable to call out, barely able to breathe, Yoshimi ran faster and faster as she saw a dark shadow circle the figure. The blood-stained man was on his hands and knees, his head bent down as blood soaked through his sleeves, and Yoshimi suddenly saw the shadowy figure circling him clearly: it was an enormous shinigami in a long black cloak, holding a scythe and a scroll. The shinigami turned slightly, and Yoshimi saw that it was Kenpachi. He opened the scroll and began to read, his massive lips moving in slow motion as soundlessly as the white figure's had before.

"_Please help me… help… I need some help here!"_ Yoshimi heard the figure's voice grow louder and louder with each plea, and looked above, past the huge shinigami, to an oddly bright spot that she'd taken to be the sun before. To her surprise she saw it was closer than she'd first thought, close enough to touch. She reached up and seemed to break the surface of the spot, surfacing like a whale from the deep sea as she slowly regained consciousness.

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_Weird as hell, man. I have no idea where this came from. Hope you enjoyed a little peak into my blood-stained psyche because, lets face it, Yoshimi is basically me. Although I'm not a zanpaktou… as far as you know. _

_I need scissors, 61._


	7. SURPRISE! It's your birthday!

_This chapter is entirely stand alone, almost completely unrelated to the story: it's merely a little fun thing in honour of Byakuya's birthday on the 31__st__ of January. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BYAKUYA!!! _^.^

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Renji peeked around the door of Byakuya's office, making sure his superior was totally engrossed in his paperwork. The captain's dark head was bent over his desk, his pen moving gracefully across the paper below it. "What is it, Renji?" The vice captain gulped and said "I was just wondering if I you needed anything?" Byakuya's head turned slightly, his pen pausing its graceful dance across the page, and said "No thank you, Renji." The pen continued on its way and Byakuya added "Although if you could shut my door, that would be most helpful." Renji bowed and then realised Byakuya couldn't see it, and just shut the door as his captain had requested.

The vice captain hurried through the building, a brightly-wrapped box with ribbons under one arm and a roll of material under the other. "Renji!" He stopped and turned to find Captain Komamura Sajin waving at him. Behind him stood his vice captain Zaix, grinning from ear to ear. Renji hurried over, on edge as he worried that Byakuya was watching him, and looked conspiratorially from side to side. "Is everything ready, Captain Komamura?" the captain nodded and a smile stretched across his muzzle. "It's all set up. Have you got your part of it?" Renji nodded back and held up the roll of fabric. "It's all coming together nicely. This should be good." Komamura turned and walked down the road, followed by the two vice captains.

Byakuya was walking through the streets heading to a small restaurant for a quiet dinner alone when he felt someone slip their hand into his. He turned his head quickly to see Yoshimi walking beside him. She turned and smiled at him, and he breathed in sharply. "Yoshimi?" The young woman smiled wider and asked "Have you got anywhere you have to be urgently? Because I've got a surprise for you." Byakuya went a little red as he imagined what the surprise was. "I haven't got anything pressing to do…" she danced around and took his other hand, grinning at him. "Come on, then." She let go of one of his hands and led him down the street skipping.

The house she led him to was dark, and looked like it had been abandoned for a while. Her dancing steps led him dumbly into the house like a man entranced. "Yoshimi… I don't think we should be here." Yoshimi smiled and danced through the hallway. "Come on, it'll be fun." She came back and took his hand again. "Let's see what's further back in the house, shall we?" he raised an eyebrow and was led through the house by the hand.

They walked into an especially dark room at the very back of the house. Byakuya stopped when he felt Yoshimi let go of his hand, peering into the darkness. "Yoshimi…? Where are you?" he heard a giggle, and suddenly he was blinded by lights that flashed on.

"**HAPPY BIRTHDAY BYAKUYA!!!"** he reeled backwards as a huge chorus of voices yelled the words. "What the…?" he squinted around the room and realised that all the captains of the other squads and their vice captains were standing around looking happy. His own vice captain Renji, a grin splitting his face from ear to ear as he approached the captain holding a brightly wrapped box. "Happy birthday, captain Kuchiki." He handed the box to his captain, who stared at it suspiciously. After a moment, he was showered with presents, being literally snowed under by shiny gift boxes.

The party got underway, but the best part of the whole thing was yet to come. Renji and Zaix, Komamura's vice captain, disappeared for a few minutes and came back wheeling a huge cake. Byakuya, who had been quietly drinking punch and being talked at by some of the other captains, was suddenly grabbed by Komamura and hugged. "Come on, birthday boy! It's time to cut the cake!" Byakuya, who had been taking a drink, spluttered and coughed as it accidentally came out his nose. Komamura laughed and brought Byakuya over to the cake.

The candles were lit, and the gathering started another chorus of the birthday song. As Byakuya watched, the cake exploded outwards, covering everyone in cake and icing. Candles flew through the air, and once the cake had stopped flying through the air and splattering the walls, Byakuya wiped the cake off his face and stared at the half-remaining cake to find… Kenpachi standing in the middle of the cake!!

Kenpachi was bright red, and dressed in what appeared to be caked-up gold hotpants. He was trying to summon as much dignity as possible as he muttered loudly "Happy Birthday, Kuchiki." Most of the room managed to hold onto their laughter until the very, very embarrassed captain was wheeled out by a sniggering Zaix and Renji.

Even Byakuya laughed as the other captain was taken out, and Yoshimi came over. She automatically took his hand, and he didn't even blink this time. She smiled at him and asked "Did you like my surprise? I had to really work hard to get him in there. And now I owe him." Byakuya smiled back and scraped off a little cake from his clothing. "It was great, although a little messy." The young woman smiled, and said nothing.

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_Well I thought there would be a fun place to end. How great was Kenpachi, eh? I can thank my friend Sam for the image. _

_And yes, I put Kenpachi in the cake because I thought it would rock. And it DID!!! _^.^ _I love cake. -hugs cake- eh… oh. Now I have cake on my shirt. _

_Anyway… HAPPY BIRTHDAY BYAKUYA!!! _


	8. So Mr Bad Guy, we meet at last

_Be prepared for a creepy chapter while meeting… THE VILLAIN OF THE WHOLE STORY!! Yes, be amazed: we're finally getting into serious plot. Woo!!! _

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The soul was chained to a table in the middle of an otherwise dark room, a bright white light being blasted directly into its face from above. It gibbered in fear, totally without a coherent thought in its head. Satoshi watched it with the tiniest of smiles on his lips: didn't it understand how helpful for his research it would be?

He picked up his zanpaktou from the table where it lay, a pitifully small black blade by his standards, and pulled his black mask over his features before he stepped into the light and looked down at the soul. "Come now, don't be frightened. You won't feel a thing, I promise."

He raised the blade above the soul and lowered it slowly onto its chest, so only the tip just barely pierced its skin. The insertion done, he held the sword in his right hand and maintained the very light pressure required to keep the blade where it was, directly over the soul's centre. Satoshi took a deep breath and began his self-written incantation.

"_The Chains of Hollow Fate _

_Bind mankind  
and Shackle him to Earth_

_Ties of Blood_

_Mean Nothing in the Face of the Dark Oppressor._

_The Castle of Light, _

_Man's last Hope,_

_Shatters into a Thousand Pieces _

_And grows dark._

**EXODUS 666 – The Dark Release!!"**

The soul screamed as the spell was completed, a section beneath the blade of the dark zanpaktou peeling away to reveal nothingness. Satoshi stepped backwards: taking his sword with him, he lifted the twisted black mask he'd worn for the ceremony to watch the effect of the spell on the soul.

The soul's body twisted, straining against the chains as it expanded. Unable to dematerialise, the Hollow was forced to take on its other shape where it lay, weakened by the chains and at Satoshi's mercy. He watched it take shape with a huge smile: this one appeared to be strong enough to stand the release of its Hollow state again. As the white mask descended over the Hollow's human features Satoshi danced wildly and elatedly around the table laughing manically at the success of his twisted experiment.

Once he was sure of its total obedience to his cause, Satoshi sent the Hollow out on a little errand to bring him another soul. He watched it leave, smiling: soon he would be able to experiment with far more powerful souls. As long as the souls remained in their Hollow state, he could control them. The evil genius checked his watch and blinked: it was almost time for him to return to his squad. Soon, Satoshi Ito would have his revenge on Captain Kenpachi.

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_Ooh… yeah. This is how Hollows are able to be in the Soul Society: they didn't pass through the wall, they were made there! This is the kind of thing I think about late at night. I think I need a boyfriend. __


	9. A pointless fight

_Yes it's that time again, folks. Get ready for another chapter of Kenpachi/Byakuya angst! It's fun to write, and probably fun to read. That and I can't stand any more creepy dream sequences with bleeding roses and giant Kenpachi's… _o.O_ that was freaky. _

_I'm proud to present the latest act of… Byakuya & Kenpachi's Angry Theatre!_

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Byakuya tucked in the white sheets around Yoshimi's unconscious body, his brow creased in worry. Kenpachi sat on her other side, apparently completely at ease, as though it wasn't _his_ zanpaktou who had been lying unconscious and non responsive in the infirmary for three days. "Why the fuck are you here, Kuchiki? It's not like she's gonna come round any time soon." He settled back in his chair and closed his eyes. "And even if she does, I'm sending her straight back into her zanpaktou form to recuperate properly. Plus, I kinda miss being able to cut up my squad members." Byakuya crossed his arms but said nothing, glaring at Kenpachi with ice cold eyes.

The other shinigami completely ignored him, however, appearing to nap. Byakuya looked over the other captain a little more carefully than he had before, and realised that there were signs of wear and tear, more than usual. There was a dark circle under Kenpachi's visible eye, detailing three sleepless nights. His cheeks were hollower than usual, showing that he hadn't been eating, and his clothing was rumpled and stained. Byakuya raised an eyebrow at his fellow captain's appearance, but was looking out the window by the time Kenpachi opened his eye.

Byakuya looked back a moment later to find Kenpachi staring at him. "What are you staring at?" Kenpachi snorted and resettled himself. "You looked so worried about her when you tucked her in. Fuck, Kuchiki… she's just a sword. Almost totally worthless to me in this state…" The other captain stopped speaking, staring at the floor as though deep in though. Byakuya dismissed the idea that Kenpachi was capable of deep thought with a derisive inner laugh: the other captain probably hadn't ever read anything past "See Ben Run".

Curious, he asked Kenpachi "Tell me… can you read?" Kenpachi, who had been staring at his zanpaktou lying unconscious on the bed, snorted and glared at Byakuya. "What do you think, idiot?" Byakuya crossed his arms. "You're the idiot, idiot." Kenpachi stood up and pushed Byakuya. The sixth division captain glared at him as he pointed, about to deliver the most blistering insult ever heard by man, woman or soul… when Yoshimi groaned and opened her eyes.

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_Ah yes… the two of them fight like ten year olds. _

_I FINALLY HAVE CAKE!!! -love- My life is almost fulfilled… now I just have to get someone to fight Mr Satoshi "Bad Guy" Ito. Oh, and Exavier? Yoshimi wants to know what Zaix's cute zanpaktou's are doing tonight. _XD


	10. Please be my Valentine?

_In honour of Valentine's Day (yes I KNOW it was a few days ago!): another stand alone chapter using everyone's favourite captain to torture Byakuya Kuchiki and my lovely, cheeky little Yoshimi, with Kenpachi-san getting all jealous. He's so cute when he's mad. _^.^

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Byakuya nervously adjusted the collar of his clothing, wondering why it suddenly felt so tight. Maybe it was because no one, in the whole history of the Soul Society, had ever given a valentine to another shinigami's zanpaktou. Maybe because the zanpaktou he was giving the gift to happened to be the spirit blade of a certain bloodthirsty captain who hated his guts: Kenpachi hated him more than usual because of a prank Byakuya had pulled on him in revenge for a prank that Kenpachi had played on him.

Byakuya settled himself internally, taking a deep breath before he knocked on the door.

Kenpachi opened it, looked Byakuya up and down, and rudely slammed the door shut in his face. Byakuya rubbed his nose where the door had hit him, and heard Yoshimi ask from inside "Who is it, Kenny-kun? Is it Byakuya-sama?" He heard Kenpachi growl "No, it's not. Go back into the study: there's no one out there." Before he knew it, Yoshimi was laughing at Kenpachi, a little silvery laugh that brought to mind cherry blossoms above a chuckling stream beneath a clear sky with snow-capped mountains in the background

Byakuya shook his head to clear it of the poetically Japanese imagery as the door opened to reveal Yoshimi wearing a pale green silk kimono sewn with cranes and bamboo with a golden obi. Her hair was unbound and she was even more stunningly beautiful than usual. Byakuya felt his breath catch in his throat and a slight blush rise in his cheeks, but kept his face blank.

He held out the red-wrapped present with attached card to the young woman, bowing slightly. "Be my valentine, Yoshimi?" She took the present and smiled at him, and he couldn't help but compare her smile to a rosy sunrise. He had to tell himself to breathe, and inhaled deeply her perfume: she smelled of roses. "Thank you, Byakuya. I'll certainly be your valentine." She smiled at him again and kissed him gently on the lips, causing more blood to rush to his head. He bowed to cover his burning cheeks, and beat a hasty retreat down the street muttering something about leaving the iron on.

Yoshimi laughed and stepped back, closing the door and turning to find Kenpachi glaring behind her to where Byakuya had stood with just a hint of jealousy in his eyes. "Oh relax, Kenny-kun." She reached into her kimono and brought out a small, black-wrapped box. "Happy Valentines day." She went into the kitchen, leaving Kenpachi to unwrap the box in private.

The little black box contained a chunky silver bracelet, engraved on the inside with the eleventh division's symbol pierced with a sword with an eye patch hanging from it. Kenpachi admired the pretty thing, and pulled it on. It was easily hidden from view beneath his sleeve, and the weight felt good. The big captain looked through the doorway where Yoshimi had gone and smiled a big, true smile.

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_Nothing like a little bit of sap to make you feel good, huh. Yes I am capable of writing mush. _

_Happy Valentines Day for Saturday, everyone. -love-_


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